A Night of Blogging (Part 2) What's keeping you up!?

What’s keeping Phil up (Part dos)

This is my second blog post of the night and I have to admit my eyes are getting a little heavy. However, I will fight onwards!

“What else is keeping you up?!” you scream at your computer screen. “Just be patient” I calmly saw to you. I then sip my big sippy cup of tea and continue to smash away on the keyboard. I should seriously learn how to type more quietly but would it be worth it? Is any of it worth it? Is doing this blog worth it?

Is any of it worth it?

Before I begin, I promise you I will not let my whingeing/angst o-meter surpass 2 out of 10 on the Richter scale. I downloaded an app to measure it. So now that you know I won’t complain (too much) you’re okay to read on.

I often wonder if any of this work I do for school or any of these things I do to better myself are worth it. I will one day die, and sorry to be the one to tell you, but you’ll die too. I often imagine where I’ll end up once my schooling is all said and done and most of the time I have a hard time finding why it’s worth it. I often ask whether it’s worth it to commit myself to school and learning so I can be in debt all my life trying to pay out my outstanding debt on my Prius and house that’s way too big for me. It’s rather hard for me to believe that I should I finish my essays and math homework so I can have half of my money taken away from me from my divorced wife. I seriously wonder if I should discipline myself rigorously, attend university just so I can end up poping anti depressants just so I can get through the day. Should I get a 9 to 5 so I can come home to kids that are either to engrossed in their computers to care about me or are so angsty that they hate me for no good reason? Should I work my entire life and still not have any money because I needed all those luxuries that no one actually needs? As I ask myself these many questions, over and over again, I truly find it hard to find any of it worth it.

I look at my parents, and as much as I love them and respect them I would truly hate if I ended up like them. There not bad people, in fact they’re great people, some of the best if you asked me. It’s just that they seem so happy with mediocrity. That what really scares me, that’ll end up like my parents, okay with mediocrity. Okay with an okay life in an okay house with okay kids who write okay blogs. Okay?

I just find it hard to go on, hard to trudge forward if all of this work and all of this time spent is just going to end me up in a place I probably won’t be very happy in.

There is one thing that keeps me going. And that’s exactly what I’ll be covering in my next blog post.

P.S. I totally go over a 2. Pretty sure I hit a solid 6. Maybe a 7, if your emotions are easily ruffled.